Asking "Why"

Why do I do what I do, and what pushes me there? Why focus on this? Because if I know the motivations for doing something, maybe I can create the conditions that encourage me to more often direct my life in ways that feel good.

When I do the things I do, the “why” always surfaces. Why do I teach yoga? To

connect with others, to offer others the ways of thinking and acting that have helped me improve my life, so that they may make the same positive change. Why do I write this blog? It gives me the opportunity to practice writing and express myself creatively. Why roller skate? Because it is fun, it feels good and it gives me something to do. Why play harmonium? Not to perform or to be good, but because I enjoy it and I gives me a way to mindfully immerse myself in something.

So the themes that appear for me are enjoyment, which I

forgot or didn’t initially think was an acceptable reason to do anything. Connection with others

– sometimes through thinking what I am doing will please or impress another. I also like the reason – it helps me take care of myself. To learn about myself, others and the ways in which we can more effectively communicate. Sometimes I do things to k

eep me busy and out of my head. Now I don’t know if I should be so eager, almost yearning, to get out of myself. I try to balance those “busy” efforts with things that keep me in my direct experience. Meditation, for example, does force me to stay with myself. Which is good, because then I’m not running to somewhere, something or someone else for safety. I want to feel safe inside myself.

Perhaps there doesn’t need to be a reason, or maybe our heart’s desires can be understood without being expressed in words. I’m not even sure I know what my deepest wishes are, but I know I want people to connect with, give me attention and like me. Why don’t I do this for myself?

I think it’s important to know the benefits for doing something versus the drawbacks. If one outweighs the other I need to figure out “should I continue to do what I’ve been doing or should consider refraining from devoting my energy (which I discussed last week is limited) to that person or thing.”

In theory this sounds simple, but in reality it’s sometimes difficult to move in the direction we know in our gut, is the answer. But for now, I won’t beat myself up about not always following my intuition. At the very least, I will remain curious and receptive to the change I know in my heart feels right.

For the meantime, Happy New Year. Be kind to yourselves and be kind to others.

Marcie